Sunday, 17 January 2010
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Epiphany
Epiphany - A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something.
I sat there, listening to his heart beating softly from my right ear, and listing to my iPod from my left. The song and his heart, mixing as one, dancing in my mind, it dawned on me. He shouldn't deal with my closeness. He sits by me, hand in hand, never leaving, always pulling me when I push away. He doesn't deserve me keeping him out, it wasn't his fault, and I know he's not like the rest. He's amazing, he's wonderful, he's my god-send. He raised me when I was fallen, helping me through my addictions. Epiphany, I realized I'm ready to let go. I can move on, I can let him in. I can't lie, it will take me time to be completely open, but I will fight with him to bring down my barriers. I will let him in my life. I was hurt by many I let get close to me, I've hurt many who were close to me, but I will not hurt him, I will not get hurt by him. I will try with every thing I have to make us work. I will not lose him.
Listening to -- With Me by Sum 41
Friday, 18 December 2009
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Doubting life.
Doubting my life. How can anything so sweet and loving quickly turn into hate? How can some thing so amazing and fun turn into a bore? How can I sit here and lie about happiness? How can I want life, when for as afar as I can remember, I've resented life? I love him, I hate him, I miss him, I want him gone. Why is all of this an emotional rollercoaster? When will all this get better for me? Happy, sad, love, hate, hyper, tired, down, up. Someone help me out of this! I want him, I need him, I love him. But I need to get away. I want to go to a place where all I can do is smile, laugh, and play. I want to go to my happy place. I'm doubting life again, but this time I feel no remorse. I look at everyone that wants to try and fight for life, and I watch them with envy. I dont want to try or fight. I just want it to happen. I just want it handed to me. I'm doubting life. I'm doubting love. I'm doubting me...
listening to -- Servo.Hatred : Genesis
Thursday, 26 November 2009
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Happy Thanksgiving
^_^
Really, that's all I have to say. Happy Turkey Day!!!
<3
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
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Currently
Louder Now
By Taking Back Sunday
Make Damn Sure
see relatedBuzz Bake Sale 2009
So I'm going to Bake Sale with my boyfriend Tyler, my firend Amanda, Billy, Dj, and my sister Yvette. And I'm meeting up an ass load of people there. Billy is my best fuckin friend for life, I LOVE that kid. But he kinda doesn't like my boyfriend, and DJ hates my boyfriend. They want me and Tyler to ride in the car with them. I don't want to cuz they don't like Tyler. But I want them to meet him so they can see that he's a great guy. Billy doesn't like Tyler cuz alot of my ex's are straight up assholes, and Dj, well I just met the guy. Don't really know him, but I kno that he cares about me and shit. It seems like he doesn't want me to get hurt. So yeahh. I'm not shure if riding in the car with them is a great idea, but I can't get out of it. Fuckk... Advise??? Anyone???
Friday, 13 November 2009
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IDEA
So I have a marvelous idea! Someone made me realize that the old me faded out into the distance. I use to beat the shit out of anyone who tried shit with me if I had a boyfriend. So next time this guy tries shit, well, I'll tell him off, and beat the shit out of him =]]
What took me so long to some to that conclusion, well, like I said, someone made me realize that I need to step up. If he doesn't want to back the fuck off, well I'll step the fuck up and handle it. So I guess you can say, my aggressive side is coming back, and I'll use it when needed. Like with this guy Armando. I'm hungry.. =]]
